This is something that I’ve seen again and again with cats that are running in to issues in their interpersonal relationships. There is a single root cause, and it’s really messing stuff up for some people.
Not having expectations is a huge miss when you’re dealing with people, and especially when you’re dealing with girls.
Without expectations, there can’t be the kind of order you need to actually take the lead and run shit.
The good thing is that it’s an easy fix once you realize you’re missing them.
First, figure out very specifically what it is that you want.
Don’t start with some basic general shit, be super specific.
It’s not “I want a girl that is gonna treat me right.” That is basic, and about as far as most cats get in setting their expectations. You can see how that might spiral out of control pretty quickly.
The issue with those kinds of general expectations is that it leaves a lot of room for interpretation. Which means it leaves a lot of room for outcomes other than what you want. Which is not what you want to happen.
So the key when figuring that shit out is to be specific.
Second, you have to communicate your expectations to people. It’s really not enough to have an idea of what you want from someone, you actually have to let them know.
Luckily this isn’t particularly difficult. It can be as easy as saying “I expect…” and then filling in the blank.
It’s crazy how powerful this can be once you start voicing the things that you want out of people. They start rising to the occasion and going out of their way to fit in to the area where you’ve directed them.
The final part here is that you have to use some carrot and stick action to make sure that your expectations are being met.
If the chick is falling short, you have to let her know, which is really just a way of reinforcing your expectation.
Once again this is simple stuff. When people do what you want, you give them a bit of reward. When they don’t you don’t reward them.
It’s really crazy how simple this is. Can’t state that enough.
- Figure out your expectations
- Communicate them
- Enforce them
The issue is that cats are failing on one or many of these steps.
They don’t know what they want, so they have no idea how to communicate that and then they fail at enforcing anything because it’s unclear to all parties.
The remedy is to understand what you want, which means having standards. Communicating what you want, which means being able to articulate those standards. Then enforcing what you want, which means being alright with doling out a bit of reward or punishment when needed.
Work on setting some basic expectations in your life and you’ll be a lot happier for it.
Get out there.